Who Cares If I'm Alone?
by Dalakh
Summary: Harper wakes up from a nightmare and remembers things better left unsaid.


Who cares if i'm alone? Title: Who cares if i'm alone?  
Summary: Harper wakes up from nightmare and remebers things better left unsaid.  
DISCLAIMER: Like I've said time and time before -I don't own squat. I'm just borrowing the characters I'll give 'em back when I'm finished!!!! The song words are from "By Myself" by Linkin Park off of their album 'Hybrid Theory' the last set of song words are from "Forgotten" also by Linkin Park from same album.  
Song words are marked by _italics_   
Authors Note: I actually have no idea what Harper says about his time on earth, so i made it up -please don't shoot. Oh, as far as I know we have only been told about 2 of his cousins and how they died so I gave him s'more!!!!   
*********  
_What do I do to ignore them behind me? Do I follow my instincts blindly? Do I hide my pride/from these bad dreams And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening_

The dim light played accross the objects in Harpers' room, casting eerie shadows everywhere.  
In the corner was a bed, the sheets were soaked with cold sweat and tangled around his writhing form. As he tossed and turned in his sleep mumbled, scared words escaped from his frowning mouth. Suddenly, with a strangled, silent cry Harper sat straight up in his bed, breathing heavily.  
Shakey and panicked by what his nightmare had just shown him he pushed the and wriggled his way out of the sheets and stumbled over to the couch. "Andromeda, minimal lights will ya?"  
The lights switched on with smooth efficiency, forcing the ghostly shadows back into the recesses of the room.  
Laying down on his couch Harpers small form sank slightly into the softness. Staring at the plain ceiling his mind played back unwillingly to the memory that he had just re-lived. 

*********  
Declan, Siobhan and I were five and had been playin "Tag" with some other kids, running through the camp. For once we had all forgotten what our lives were like: all the terror and pain; the hunger and illness that constantly plagued us and we had just been kids having a great time.  
Then they came. They being the Magog, a whole _load_ of Magog to be exact, one of the biggest attacks our camp had ever seen.  
Everybody started screaming, the running wasn't a game any more -it was real. My cousins and I began looking for our family, after finding them we ran as a group. We were fast but the Magog were faster. We were quickly over run and the Magog began spraying their vemon everywhere.  
I ran ahead, like I'd been told to. I though that Declan and Siobhan were behind me but I was wrong. After the attack had finally finished I realised that they were _all_ missing. I couldn't see a single family member, I was alone and everybody else was to busy to care.  
I wasn't as alone as I had thought though, eventually I managed to find my mom and dad, as well as almost everybody else. There was just one problem -nobody knew where Declan and Siobhan were. We searched everywhere for hours, finally their mom found them under a dead, decapitated man. Yelling she called as over, they were both lying on the dirty blood soaked track, at first I thought they were both fine, then I saw Siobhan mangled leg, then I saw their eyes and realised that at least Siobhan should have been screaming. Their eyes were open and staring at us full of fear. As my mind registered what it meant I screamed for them and fainted in a crumpled heap on the floor. 

*********  
Tears fell down Harpers face as he once again remembered the look in his cousins eyes,  
"I'm not gonna get anymore sleep tonight am I?" He told himself, pulling his aching body up and rubbing his eyes Harper glanced over towards the chronometer on his wall it read 01:57.  
Clumsely he made his way to a chair, picking up a pair of navy blue pants he pulled them over his boxers and grabbed a t'shirt before stumbling out into the brightly lit corridor.  
After blinking a few times his eyes adjusted to the light he groggily headed to the one place he could still see his home safely. Home? Funny I still think of that Hellhole as my home. 

_Do I/sit here and try to stand it? Or do I/try to catc them red-handed? Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness, Or do I trust nobody and live loneliness? Because I can't hold on/when I'm stretched do thin_

Harper ended up at the Observation Deck, the ceiling and walls showed stars shining brightly against the forever night sky with no idea of the atrocities occuring on the planets encircling them, just like Earths Sun, mused Harper. 

"Andromeda, canyou show me where Earths Sun is?" he asked while plonking himself on th cold floor. 

"Sure, but may I ask why?" Andromedas' holographic form appeared next to Harper, 

"Just wanna see it that's all Rom-doll." 

"Ooookay."  
Above him on the ceiling a star was labled and enlarged to show itself and the first three inner planets: Mercury, Venus and Earth. "Focus in on Earth." 

"Harper, I thought you said you hated your time on Earth?" 

"I did. Well most of it anyway." laying down he ran his hands through his already ruffled hair. 

"What do you mean?" The hologram sat down cross-legged on the floor next to him. 

"Nutin." 

"Mmm, a likey story. I couldn't help noticing earlier that your heart and respiratory rate heightened a considerable amount." 

"You were spying on me??!!!" Harper sounded angry, but on the inside he wan't sure what to feel. Years of loneliness had taken their tole and he was confused that anyone could care, but the fact that somebody had been watching him, maybe even concerned when it wasn't their job gave him a glimer of hope. 

_I make the right moves but I'm lost within I put on my daily facade but then Ijust end up getting hurt again By myself (myself) I ask why, but in my mind I find I can't rely in myself_

"No. I am constantly observing everyone on this ship." 

"Oh." The flicker of hope vanished as quick as it had appeared. 

"Harper are you okay?" 

"Yes." 

"Are you sure?" 

"YES!" Exasperated and confused he got to his feet and ran out of the Ob's Dec with no paticular destination in mind. As he slowed down to a walk his mind drifted back again towards his past. 

*********  
This time I'm twelve, I have a baby sister called Freya, she's six now and she's asking me about Declan and Siobhan.  
"What did they look like Shay?" Freya looks up at me from my lap with big round colbalt blue eyes, her hair was a lighter blonde than mine and it hung limply round her little face, ending below her shoulders in an untidy way. 

"Well Dec had kinda lightish brown hair and blue eyes like you an me plus he always had freckles on his nose!" 

"Really?" 

"Oh yeah!" 

"What 'bout Siobhan? Didn't mommy say they were twins?" 

"Yeah they were twins, they had the same attitude and humour but tey looked different. See Siobhan had sorta strawberry blonde colored hair with blue eyes as well and her hair came all the way down to almost the middle of her back!" 

"What happened to them? And Aunty Kat?" 

"When we were five the Magog came and they died, then aunt Kat died of a broken heart." 

"What happened to Uncle Jason?" 

Frowning with mock irritation I answered her question after I asked her one of my own rehtorical questions, "Do you ever stop asking questions? Uncle Jason couldn't live without his wife and kids so, ummm, he killed himself. But just don't ask how okay?" 

"Oh, okay." 

I look up at the sky, it was getting dark and the first few stars were beginning to appear. 

"Ya. Now we gotta get in before it gets dark, c'mon!" I got up and chased her back to our family hut when we got in i tackled and tickled her until she had tears in her eyes. 

*********  
Harper was still wondering through the corridors day-dreaming when he walked into a droid,  
"Whoah!"  
The droid just stumbled backwards however and carried on with it's work. 

"Do yo mind Mr. Harper?" Andromedas' voice came over the comm system. 

"Well sorry, but it shouldn't be walking in the same place as a genius!" He carried on walking down the lonely corridors while his mind still took him to places her really didn't want to visit. 

*********  
I was playing along the river bank, it was boys VS. girls. The goal of the game was to get a specific rock from one end of the 'pitch' to th other without getting tackled to the ground. I was 15 now and Freya was 7. Freya ran behind a group of trees to pick up the rock, someone had lobbed it off of the 'pitch' and it was Freyas' turn to go and get it.  
Time seemed to freeze, there was loud, terrifiying yelp and then a muffled scream, we all sprinted over to the trees but nothing was there. Unless you counted the scuffle marks in the dust, there was nothing. My sister had vanished without a trace.  
She wasn't the first either. People had been going missing for years and everybody knew what it meant -a Nietchien was nearby. Probably a small time slaver. We all ran back to the camp as fast as our legs could carry us, leaving a cloud of dust in our wake.  
For the next few days the whole looked tirelessly for her, travelling in groups of at least three even though we knew it was helpless. The following week the Nietchiens raided, taking some as slaves, killing and raping others. My dad wasn't taken as a slave, we were forced to watch as he was beaten to death. Once they had finally left my mom had a nervous breakdown. She was so bad that she couldn't even find solace in me -her only living relative, her first born -her son!!  
As I came in one night I saw a sight that burned into my memory. There she was, sprawled out on the floor in a pool of blood. She had slit her wrists just beneath her palms her eyes stared into space, cold, in-blinking and un-relenting. I turned on my bare heel and ran, I didn't stop running for nearly two days straight until I reached a port.  
Hiding on the nearest ship I concealed myself, I had no idea where I was going, I had nothing but the rags on my back and not a dime to my name. It was three days before we reached the station and realisation of what I had done sank in, the scary thing was -I didn't regret leaving.  
I got a job on the station as an assistant to a sleazy engineering guy. I discovered that I was good at it too, hell I was the best!  
Soon things began looking up for the first time in my life, and soon I had enough money to get off the dark and dingy station and get a 'cerebal port', By then I was 20 and smarter than any genius! 

*********  
"Hello? Harper, are you okay?" Harper jolted awake and found that he was sitting in Hydroponics and Trance was looking at him with concern. 

"Yeah, what time is it?" he asked as he got up and stretched his limbs. 

"Seven o'clock. Rommie said that you've been up since just before two," 

"Ya, so what?..... 'haps I just wanted an early mornin' stroll." 

"Something you want to talk about?" 

"I don't think you'd wanna know it Trance babe." 

"Try me." Trance gestured to the grassy floor, "Andromeda, could you engage privacy mode please?" 

"Privacy mode engaged. Authorisation Trance Gemini." came the AI's voice. 

So Harper sat down again, this time with his best friend and re-lived his memories again. He didn't know why she would want to know why he was telling her, or why she might even care, he was just Seamus Harper. Nobody else had cared, the only people that did were his cousins and little sister -and look what happened to them! No even his own mother had cared enough to not kill herself!  
Eventually after telling Trance what he had told no-one else he fell asleep in Trances' lap looking more peaceful than he had for a long time.  


"Sometimes it is better to talk." Trance whispered, contented to stay and watch her friend sleep and by the sounds of it, Trance thought, the last thing he needs is to wake up alone again. 

_In the memory you'll find me Eyes burning up The darkness holfing me tightly Until the sun rises up._

  


  


Authors Note: PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!  


  



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